It was during the first few weeks of school (I had enrolled him for a 2 hours playgroup) when Sam was about 18 months old. I remember the first time I had to ‘release’ him to let him learn to be confident on his own without me being around him. He will need to learn (gradually) how to problem solve on his own and grow through the mistakes that he makes – that will allow him to grow into a more independent, responsible and confident person. But I know that I will have to release him sooner or later as I cannot possibly be guiding and holding his hand when he is 30 years old. This realization that my child will soon need me no more makes me sad. I will have to eventually grant him wings to be independent and to “fly off” on his own. Whenever that happens, it would remind me that Sam is really growing up. If I insist to guide him when he wants to do it on his own, he would kick up a huge fuss and throw himself on the ground and cry. He is constantly seeking for autonomy to make his own decisions and to be on his own, such as choosing the activities he wishes to do, climb up the slide by himself or to slide on his scooter on his own. Now that he is about 22 months old, that desire is even more visible. When Sam started to walk, I noticed that he desired to be “released” and be granted the freedom to run around and explore his environment. Yet when it does happen, I feel sad knowing that they will soon need me no more. I face this dilemma especially after a hard day’s of work at home – that they would grow a little faster, that they will be a little more independent, and emotionally less clingy and needy. When Sam was old enough to attend playgroups at a regular kindergarten near our home, I wished that he was more independent so that he wouldn’t cry so much when I have to leave him at school.īut when Sam eventually grew to love school, I felt a little sad knowing that my son is happy to leave me and enjoy his friends and teachers at school. When Sam was less than a year old, I’ve always wished that he would grow up a little faster so that I can be freed from all the night wakings, teething issues and feedings.
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